I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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