My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
