shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
