for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
