Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
