Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
