I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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