sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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