Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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