Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
