Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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