the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
