I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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