my sisters under your porch take her home
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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