my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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