No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
