So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
where are you?
Hypothermia
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
