and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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