he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
