I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
