I wannas sexs uuuuu
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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