I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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