i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
