I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you inspire me to be a worse person
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
