how can u be prego again
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
