he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
