did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now