need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
