here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
