I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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