I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
