im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
