He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
