How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
