we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
