The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
