Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
