I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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