you win again, gameday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
