I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
