my phone needs a breathalizer
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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