U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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