at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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