my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
