i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
