Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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