He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
