and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
