Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
