I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this just has baby written all over it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
