HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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