Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
