i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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