I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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