Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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