You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize