So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
