Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
