The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
