I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
