last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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