come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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