I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
