He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
this hospital has no fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
