i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
