I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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