How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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