No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
