i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
