just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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