The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize