You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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