I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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