Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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