just come out here and I will go home with you...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
