3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
