I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize